LoHo's 2005 black Mercedes SL-Class up for grabs

The Tea Room was wondering why we hadn't been sipping tea and listening to LoHo tid bits lately when this charming piece of news arrived with our canapes:

LoHo's 2005 black Mercedes SL-Class is for sale on Ebay. This is the car that was attacked by a horrible tree that jumped in front of her last May. Of course the accident had nada to do with her being high as a kite on drugs.

The car is going for a very reasonable starting price of $115,000.

And with only days until Christmas ...

Freeze Frame

Dear Doctor,

I know you told me last week that if I got one more Botox injection I would not be able to move my face. I am here to tell you, oh brilliant one, I don't fucking care! Take this photo for example. My face conveys the look of a 25-year-old nymphette on her way to an important premiere (okay I know in reality I'm heading into the opening of the Juicy store in L.A., but blah blah), seemingly oblivious to the fact that there is a camera right next to me. Also, since I always play a bitch on TV I rarely need to smile! You think you're so superior, telling me that my brain could actually freeze if I continue with my monthly shots.

Freeze??

Honey, if I were any hotter you'd need to use sunscreen.

XOXO,
Nicolette

He's Seen A Million Faces and He's Rocked Them All!!!

Pg Six

Tea Room favorite JON Bon Jovi might be planning to run for governor of New Jersey. That's why he's keeping his house in Red Bank, NJ even though he and his wife, Dorothea, and their four kids have moved to SoHo. That's why he performs regularly at fund-raisers for Democrats like Al Gore and John Kerry. And that's why he hired Press Pimp Ken Sunshine, who was once the chief of staff for ex-Mayor David Dinkins.

"Jon has been approached many times about running for office," said Sunshine, who denied the rocker has any political plans. "His day job is going too well, and this way he can keep the house."

Puhleeeeeeeze.....

Media Whore Geniuses Boldly Go Where No (Wo)Man Has Gone Before

Sharon Stone at the Make-a-Wish Ball in Miami.

Media Whores Take Note:

When you're career's in the crapper DON'T FORGET YOUR CAMEL TOE! Yes friends, this oft-forgotten body part can be exposed for a flurry of shutter activity. Not to be outdone by Tyra's lycra number last week, notice that this one perfectly outlines her Netherlands, and Sharon couldn't be happier. We honestly didn't think she could out-do her Basic Instinct Beaver Shot, and we were wrong! Sharon, you are a Media Whore Genius.

Because We Didn't Already Think She's Bonkers...

Celine Dion reacts to losing a bet on a German TV show. Oddly, after seeing the Stone photo above, the Tea Room is relieved that Celine has relinquished her skin-tight stage costumes of yesteryear...though unlike Super Stone, Madame Dion was known for her Spread Eagle Stance while performing her hair-raising lyrics, thus obscuring her Canadian Bacon.

Jailed Jacob the Jeweler

The Tea Room has learned that Jacob the Jeweler will don prison-orange for up to 46 months for obstruction of justice related to a $270 million money laundering scheme. Dare to join Sean Combs, Jay-Z, David Beckham and Mariah Carey for a candle light vigil in Central Park tomorrow.

Roberto Cavalli confirms J.Lo's Pregnancy

Fashion designer Roberto Cavalli has confirmed the (umm) rumors of Jennifer Lopez’s pregnancy. The designer created the costumes for her current concert tour and said, "It is so complicated because every week she is getting bigger... At this moment Jennifer Lopez is requesting something very special because she is waiting for the baby".

The Tea Room is knitting bootie-warmers; not to be confused with booties.

Take This Quote To The Bank

txt Hello Mag

"When I left I said 'I don't want a penny'. I offered to Paul that if he protects me from the hatred I'll receive because I am a wife of a Beatle, I'll never say anything derogatory about him."

Media Whores Shun the Greenback

Media Whore Economic News Alert:

GISELE BUNDCHEN HAS DEMANDED SHE BE PAID IN EUROS BECAUSE THE U.S. DOLLAR IS TOO WEAK.

Last week the dollar hit an all-time low against the Euro, the British pound and the Canadian dollar.

The Tea Room understands that when you're only earning $30 mill a year, every cent counts.

Power 100 List

Out.com/Photographer Terry Richardson.

DNR released its Power 100 List.

The Tea Room sends a butt flash to our favorite Media Whores on the list.

As follows ...

#1 Ralph Lauren
#2 Giorgio Armani
#19 Tom Ford (see above photo, left)
#28 Sean Combs
#31 Kenneth Cole
#34 Marc Jacobs
#39 Jay-Z
# 56 Donatella Versace
# 65 Thom Browne
# 83 Michael Kors
# 100 Joseph Abboud

Old Friend of the Whorehouse Celebrates a Birthday!

WWD.com

Once upon a time, Whorehouse Press Pimps I.M. and D.W. toiled away in Eleanor Lambert's office on such clients as Tiffany & Co., Fernando Sanchez, Joan & David (the shoes people!), all while fondling the gorgey jewels of Verdura.

In celebrating its 70th anniversary this month, Verdura is releasing a limited edition piece, the Icon Bracelet, which is an homage to founder Fulco Santostefano della Cerda, Duke of Verdura, known as Fulco di Verdura. The style is a combination of Verdura's most popular charms on its rope chain and only 100 will be produced, each featuring the signature V logo, Verdura seashell, wrapped heart, comedy and tragedy mask, Maltese Cross and chessman.

There is also a retrospective exhibition "Verdura: The Life and Work of a Master Jeweler," beginning November 16th at the Houston Museum of Natural Science.

Hmmm ... should the Whorehouse go for a celebrity product placement on Loho?

Retailers Cut 6,500 Jobs. Loho's fault.

More economic bad news, Media Whores:

The Tea Room overheard that U.S. department and specialty stores have cut a combined 6,500 jobs just last month!

Could this be a direct effect of Paris, Loho, Nicole and Britney being too wasted to shop?

Tea Time!

Tea Biscuit to Andrew Christian for his great line.

The Tea Room Recaps National Underwear Day in August when models of both sexes walked out into Times Square, Manhattan, in nothing but their designer skivvies and sandals. They handed out samples and the Tea Room would like to thank Freshpair for creating this event. Photo of Tea Room favorite line Ginch Gonch.

Mochaliscious!

According to DNR, Armani is planning an underwear push to rival Calvin Klein.

Viva la photographias!

And a great excuse for the Tea Room to post this Armani Exchange underwear model. Clint, is that you?

Best House Rag Closes

WWD

Has the world gone completely mad? THIS IS A CONSPIRACY TO MAKE US READ ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST!!!

Conde Nast will announce today that it will close House and Garden with the December issue and shut down its Web site, houseandgarden.com.

“This has been a difficult decision to come to but we feel it is one that must be made at this time," said Conde Nast president and CEO Charles Townsend. "I would like to thank Dominique Browning and the entire staff for their award-winning efforts throughout the years.

“With the unexpected departure of the publisher of the magazine, we decided to take a serious look and reevaluate the title,” said Townsend. “Our investment in House & Garden throughout the years has been substantial and we no longer believe it is a viable business investment for the company.”

The Tea Room wonders out loud - didn't this title close before in the 90s?

Does Britney Smell?

So-so response to new Britney Spears Frangrance caused Elizabeth Arden shares to fall.

Britney shouldn't feel so bad; the Mariah Carey fragrance was doing poorly too.

The decrease in popularity, the firm wrote, is "signaling that this family of celebrity fragrances, which we believe represents about 10% of total sales for Arden, may have peaked."

Translated - these crazy bitches need to be stopped!

p.s. THE TEA ROOM WOULD LOVE TO HELP BRITNEY OUT OF HER SLUMP... CALL US!!!!

Jumping On the China Bandwagon

photo: Xavier Mateo

Overrated-But-We-Know-Her-Because-She's-a-Chinese-Fashion-Designer Vivienne Tam said that it was "high time the West recognized China's designers for their unique talent" despite the country's reputation for low-cost production.

Tam is part of 9707, a project to showcase Hong Kong as a global design hub and puts together 10 Hong Kong designers with global brands such as Alessi and Salvatore Ferragamo.

The Tea Room would happily recreate the Boston Tea Party with a shipment of Tam "designs."

Tam told Reuters: "I want to bring out China's history and culture in my work to the West"... shit, just what your work needed.... "Because to Western people's minds, in the past, China is seen for low-cost manufacturing, they're copycats and things like that" ..... and Western people's minds are wrong because....? "They don't consider China as a creative center, even Hong Kong, too. I think we have to break this rule. It's so rich in culture and in materials and resources. There's so much creative talent here".... Newsflash, Viv, China and Hong Kong are rich in one resource: Cheap labor! See Tea Room economic alerts to learn more.

Tam added, "I think Hong Kong has so much talent because it has to do with the East and West culture here, it brings so much energy and it will create a strong platform for China and other parts of Asia, too."

Finally, something Tam might be good at! If you can't design, try your hand at being an ambassador...

Stay A-head Of The Crowd

T
Featured helmuts by MinSun Lee. Photos Eli Ceballos.

Attention Media Whores: The helmet-as-headware trend is dawning! If you don one of these bubbly creations while doing your morning rounds around town, prepare to be photographed.

In addition to the MinSun Lee creations above, you can take in The Moschino Helmets collection, a five-year licensing agreement with helmet manufacturer Max Safety Fashion. The collection will premiere at the 65th International Bicycle and Motorcycle Exhibition, next month in Milan. The unisex collection features three styles with graphic prints playing with the Moschino logo and Moschino's peace and heart symbol.

They will retail in February/March 2008.

Pig Face + Boob Job + Anorexia = Viable Media Whore

Image: Askmen.com

So Victoria Beckham tells Ellen Degeneres she doesn't exercise.

"I don't [work out] because I can't get my head around what to wear at the gym. I don't do anything. I'm running around after three kids and they play soccer. They just . . . throw footballs at me and I just stand from left to right and that kind of keeps me fit."

Yet another reason to love her. Smack!

Fashion Label bebe goes all PETA on us!

Fashion retailer bebe stores inc is to discontinue buying product with animal fur from January 2008. CEO Gregory Scott said bebe's "policy regarding fur has always been based on a strong belief in animal rights and the humane and ethical treatment of animals. Over the past year, bebe has gone to great lengths in working with its vendors to ensure that only fur created as a by-product could be used."

"Over this same period of time, we are proud to say that we have dramatically reduced the use of animal fur to less than 3% of our product offering and now look forward to completely eliminating animal fur from our orders beginning in January 2008."

Image from Peta.org.

If You're Having a Bad Whore Day...

Charity Spotlight: Shoe4Africa

From Samvoice:

It began with a simple act…
In 1995, professional runner, Toby Tanser was living and training in Africa. Though Toby was sponsored by a major sportswear company who provided him with state-of-the-art gear, he saw that many other serious runners in Kenya had no suitable shoes. Immediately, he began giving away his extra sneakers, and passing on his old pairs instead of throwing them out. When runners he'd given shoes to began breaking records and winning medals at important races, he realized that something as small as a single pair of shoes could completely change a person's life. It was then that Toby began reaching out and asking others to donate their own used shoes, and Shoe4Africa was born.

On November 5th, Shoe 4 Africa volunteers will be on Central Park West at 64th ST from 7 am to 2 pm accepting shoe donations from the public. Please bring as many pairs of used shoes as you can collect. Both adult and children’s athletic or leisure shoes are desperately needed.

More Naomi: Naomi Has Whore Reflections

Photo:Webwombat.com/txt Page Six

Naomi Campbell at the 37th annual scholarship and awards dinner for the Black Retail Action Group:

"It's been a very interesting year. I've learned many lessons, like no more phones. In New York I'm the bad girl, I'm the good girl, I'm a controversial girl, and I've been through so much in this city. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic, of which I'm not ashamed."

Media Whores are NEVER ashamed.

Dysfunctional Family Reunion

Ya gotta love Stella McCartney for not being able to plaster on a smile like her photomates (who, incidentally, look like they are holding her in place lest she bolts from the room in a full-on rage).

And ya gotta love Stella's revenge against her wicked ex-stepmother!

The Tea Room has learned that Stella has designed a one-leg silver necklace for her jewelry collection that debuted in Paris for spring 2008. It's the remaining leg that Stella would like to rip off of Heather's body!

Even with the peg leg sympathy ploys, Heather could be one of the most unpopular Media Whores around. Even the Tea Room wouldn't touch this one with a 10-foot prosthetic.

India News

The Fashion Design Council of India (FDCI) is planning an exclusive menswear fashion week. Dates have not yet been decided but FDCI director general Rathi Vinay Jha told The Economic Times that this is "to establish a menswear fashion industry in the country."

"Since there is a big potential market for men's designerwear, we wanted to do something which will promote the industry as a whole on the lines of women's designerwear," Nair said.

FDCI would collaborate with the Haywards Black International Men's Fashion Fair (HBIMFF), which takes place in Bangalore.

The council is also planning to start a separate India couture week for promoting the country's traditional wear.

Tyra's Media Whore Secret

Not getting enough media coverage, Tyra? If you refuse to Up Your Slut Factor, there is one other way to guarantee that everyone will take your picture: Throw on spandex. Does anyone really believe that one of the world's top supermodels would show up for lunch at Nello's on Madison Avenue dressed like this? The New York Post gleefully printed this "oops" photo this week, "catching" Tyra in her fashion faux pas. A few more photos like this and the public will be fascinated by her fall from SuperModelWhoredom, settting up the stage for her SupremelySlutty Comeback.

Bravo, Tyra!

Diplomatic Immunity

Naomi Campbell waves to photographers after meeting with Oil Whore/President Hugo Chavez.

The Tea Room thinks that Naomi's perfectly slutty ensemble will get her further than any Bush Administratioin official!

Speaking of Oil Whores ... The Tea Room Peeks Into The Pit

AP Finance: A trader shouts for attention in the energy options pit, 29 October 2007, at the New York Mercantile Exchange. Oil prices hit a record 94.00 dollars Wednesday after news that US oil inventories fell sharply last week, analysts said.(AFP/File/Stan Honda)

Hey I.M. .... recognize this guy??

Up Your Slut Factor WINNERS of the Day

Halle Berry at the "Things We Lost In The Fire" premier in London

Hooray for Halle's Golden Globes! Yes, pregnant Media Whores.... the ONLY thing you have working for you during your nine months of expansion are your ta-tas. Take a page from Halle and Up Your Slut Factor until you're so huge you can't leave the house.
Heather Graham at the Heroes Environmental Awards in London

If ever an award could be given out to a Media Whore who translated on-screen costumes to real life dressing, Heather would win it. Does this not have "Boogie Nights" written all over it? The Tea Room loves!
Jessica Simpson at the Frederick's of Hollywood Spring Fashion Show

If you're happy and you know it shorten your skirt... If you're happy and you know it shorten your skirt.... If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it shorten your skirt.

Up Your Slut Factor LOSERS of the Day

Renee Zellweger in NY

If you're nutty and you know it dress like this. Why does she look like she's got Turret's? This is a woman you want to put in a padded room in a straight jacket so we don't have to watch her twist her body in an attempt to be sexy. THIS IS NOT HOT.
Brooke Shields & Mandy Moore at a party for Huny Slonem's new book 'Pleasure Palaces'

The Tea Room is in a musical mood. The song for this photo would be: Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, babies, you give brunettes a bad name! You look more boring than 10 days of rain, you give brunettes a bad name!
Mira Sorvino at the Roberto Cavelli @ H&M launch party in Italy

No song, just three words Mira needs to hear: TAPE YOUR TITS

Gweneth takes Apple and Moses to the park in Spain

Back to music: It's raining, it's pouring, mommy feels so boring...went to bed with a hole in my head and put a hideous towel over it in the morning..