Britney Back in Court!

Look how nice we are, posting a flattering photo of Brit instead of the usual cellulite-ridden tart shots we see of La Spears nowadays...

So luxury goods giant Louis Vuitton has won a lawsuit that claimed a Britney Spears video broke couterfeiting laws by featuring a LV monogram dashboard in a pink Hummer.

Sadly ... oops ... we mean luckily, Spears herself was not found guilty, Sony BMG and MTV Online were fined and ordered to stop screening and marketing the video. Apparently the video represents an "attack" on Louis Vuitton's luxury image.

The Tea Room wonders how Britney could be mistaken for not being luxury?

Retailers Cut 6,500 Jobs. Loho's fault.

More economic bad news, Media Whores:

The Tea Room overheard that U.S. department and specialty stores have cut a combined 6,500 jobs just last month!

Could this be a direct effect of Paris, Loho, Nicole and Britney being too wasted to shop?

Does Britney Smell?

So-so response to new Britney Spears Frangrance caused Elizabeth Arden shares to fall.

Britney shouldn't feel so bad; the Mariah Carey fragrance was doing poorly too.

The decrease in popularity, the firm wrote, is "signaling that this family of celebrity fragrances, which we believe represents about 10% of total sales for Arden, may have peaked."

Translated - these crazy bitches need to be stopped!

p.s. THE TEA ROOM WOULD LOVE TO HELP BRITNEY OUT OF HER SLUMP... CALL US!!!!

WHAT WAS NOT...

photo credits: Giuseppe Cacace/Getty Images/Getty Images/Giuseppe Cacace

As a good friend of the Tea Room once said so elequently, these ladies couldn't get laid in a whorehouse!

The pink Max Mara saran wrap has about as much sex appeal as Britney Spears' limo-departing crotch shot;

Apparently Roberto Cavalli's purple frock with matching purse is creating a frenzy among under-five 'Eloise' readers;

Prada, in emerald & channeling 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,' is hoping it can create the UGLIEST ensembles on the planet so people will focus only on their shoes ...

& Fendi (at bottom) JUST WENT POSTAL!

Media Whores, if you DON'T want to be photographed, you will do well with these looks. Though, by definition, that would cause you to relinquish your title as Media Whore. Not much of a dilemma, is it?

Name That Celebrity

On the left... no, it's not Britney without her wig on, it's Mena Suvari, backstage with designer Amir Slama. On the right ... nope, that's not Carni Wilson with long hair. It's Daisy Fuentes! Back to the Media Whores' Handbook for both these gals. Mena: Long, flowing hair will get your career back on track, NOT the dikey do. Daisy: The maternity smock is NOT a crowd pleaser during Fashion Week. Remember, a little slutty goes a long way!