Oh, Lo Ho

Step away from the boots and run towards the pants section, quick!

We Just Can't Get Enough...

Of Black Lycra.

Here's Lauren Conrad taking her look to the streets of L.A. Why should Sharon Stone and Tyra Banks get all the attention? Lauren makes her own feeble attempt at what the Tea Room now calls the "Kamikaze Ensemble," an outfit that contains Lycra/Spandex/Poly on upper and/or lower half of the body. The term 'kamikaze' implies that the wearer can either blow up her Media Whore image with her stunning presentation, ala Sharon Stone, or crash in a suicidal display of flagrant disregard for one's own phsysical and spiritual safety, ala Tyra Banks and our little friend Lauren here. The Tea Room will list the ways that this Kamikaze Ensemble went wrong:

1. Kamikaze Ensemble needs to reveal something good, like your Camel Toe. This ensemble only reveals Lauren's saddle bags.
2. 3 trends in one look: the blousy shirt, the oversize bag and, of course, the Kamikaze Ensemble. Oh me weary eyes! Pick one.
3. Yes, black is the new black, but only if you are SURE your outfit is hot. Lauren, you look like you're heading to the Mall of America to buy Jessica Simpson's Hair U Wear. Even a gold bag would have made this train-wreck salvagable.
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Media Whore Geniuses Boldly Go Where No (Wo)Man Has Gone Before

Sharon Stone at the Make-a-Wish Ball in Miami.

Media Whores Take Note:

When you're career's in the crapper DON'T FORGET YOUR CAMEL TOE! Yes friends, this oft-forgotten body part can be exposed for a flurry of shutter activity. Not to be outdone by Tyra's lycra number last week, notice that this one perfectly outlines her Netherlands, and Sharon couldn't be happier. We honestly didn't think she could out-do her Basic Instinct Beaver Shot, and we were wrong! Sharon, you are a Media Whore Genius.

Tyra's Media Whore Secret

Not getting enough media coverage, Tyra? If you refuse to Up Your Slut Factor, there is one other way to guarantee that everyone will take your picture: Throw on spandex. Does anyone really believe that one of the world's top supermodels would show up for lunch at Nello's on Madison Avenue dressed like this? The New York Post gleefully printed this "oops" photo this week, "catching" Tyra in her fashion faux pas. A few more photos like this and the public will be fascinated by her fall from SuperModelWhoredom, settting up the stage for her SupremelySlutty Comeback.

Bravo, Tyra!