We Are On Hiatus Until Fall Fashion Week!

Yes, we know we're getting pretty lame, but what with D.W. planning a charity event and I.M. down and out in San Francisco, we are sucked dry of anything meaningful to write.

But fear not Media Whores! What the Press Pimps taketh away they will once again giveth come Fashion Week.

We will do our best to top our favorite images from Spring Fashion Week 2007. See above.

Just Follow The Yellow Brick Road..

But wait, where's Dorothy, The Lion and The Scarecrow? Jesus, Nicole, if you're gonna dress like The Tin Man, you gotta bring your entourage!

Ok, seriously. Who the fuck is dressing this Media Whore?

The Tea Room thinks the conversation the week before the premiere of Nicole's new Satanic-cult movie, The Golden Compass, went something like this:

STYLIST: I have an idea, let's make Nicole look fat!

ASSISTANT: It's impossible. She's six feet tall and weighs 100 pounds.

STYLIST: Oh, you stupid little maggot. I can make anyone look fat!

ASSISTANT: Really, superior one? But how?

STYLIST: I shall wrap her in head-to-toe silver lame, but it won't be a dress. It will be a suit, like from Dynasty. I will make the pants of the suit have huge seams running down the front. And I will make sure that the jacket is a tad too small, so it looks like it doesn't fit. I will then stick the ugliest grey shirt I can find under the suit, obscuring any flesh that might otherwise protrude from the tight jacket. She will look like shit!

ASSISTANT: You're a genius!

Oh, Lo Ho

Step away from the boots and run towards the pants section, quick!

Three Signs The Apocolypse is Near...

SHARON STONE DRESSES LIKE A HOUSEFRAU WHILE SHOPPING IN PARIS ....



SUZANNE SOMERS HIDES FROM THE PRESS WHILE LEAVING BARNEYS IN NEW YORK ....



and PARIS READS A BOOK IN L.A...

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Kevin Federline Named Father of the Year by Details magazine!

Our relentless lobbying has finally paid off!

Happy Birthday Grave Shout Out To Anna Nicole!

Photo: MAO Mag.com
Wednesday, November 28th would have been Anna Nicole Smith's 40th birthday. The former playmate and reality star was born in Houston, Texas on November 28th, 1967 and died this year on February 8th of an overdose. Her son died on September 10th, 2006 of an apparent overdose as well. Her daughter Dannielynn survives.

The Tea Room will pop a diet pill in your honor, Nicole.

More Paris News!

Photo: DreamCatchers.com

After keeping a low profile, saving drunk elephants and doing charity work a la Angelina Jolie, the Tea Room was worried that Paris Hilton may have lost her Whore juice. Then we learned about her tantrum backstage at the Victoria's Secret fashion show we were happy ... umm saddened ... to get word that she threw yet another one at the The Beverly Hills Hotel salon and refused to pay $1400 for the DreamCatchers hair extensions being woven into her head. She felt that she was their "muse" and so the mortified salon manager allowed his "muse" to only pay half price.

There's our trusted Media Whore!

Britney Back in Court!

Look how nice we are, posting a flattering photo of Brit instead of the usual cellulite-ridden tart shots we see of La Spears nowadays...

So luxury goods giant Louis Vuitton has won a lawsuit that claimed a Britney Spears video broke couterfeiting laws by featuring a LV monogram dashboard in a pink Hummer.

Sadly ... oops ... we mean luckily, Spears herself was not found guilty, Sony BMG and MTV Online were fined and ordered to stop screening and marketing the video. Apparently the video represents an "attack" on Louis Vuitton's luxury image.

The Tea Room wonders how Britney could be mistaken for not being luxury?

Flu-Killing Fabric

Good news Germaphobe Whores! A scientist has developed a way to destroy the flu virus by using textile dyes in fabrics. Georgia Institute of Technology scientist Stephen Michielsen has filed a patent saying that the dyes release oxygen radicals upon exposure to light which can deactivate the virus. He plans to embed the dyes in fibers and weave them into textiles, which could then be used as filters in ventilation systems, uniforms and aircraft upholstery.

Runny noses are so un-Whoreworthy!

Anne Klein by Isabel Toledo Closed!

Photo: NYMag.com

Jones Apparel Group put the kabash on the Anne Klein designer line headed by Isabel Toledo. Despite media acclaim received for Toledo's two seasons, the retail group said it will focus on the brand's Anne Klein New York and AK Anne Klein collections instead.

If this photo's any indication, perhaps imitating Tuesday from the Adams Family wasn't in Isabel's best interest.

Think slutty Isabel, think slutty.

Wear Your Next Magazine Subscription!

Yawn...

No shit, really? Talk to us when she gives birth to a baby with two heads and an itty bitty booty.

Help End World Hunger

OK, seriously...

www.freerice.com has created a word game. For each word you get right, they will donate 20 grains of rice to the United Nations to help end world hunger.

May not seem like much but since its launch on October 7, 2007, Free Rice.com has donated 4,181,025,950 grains of rice!

The Tea Room says PLAY PLAY PLAY!!

Back to Life's Important Issues..

Photo: People.com

While backstage at the Victoria's Secret fashion show, Paris Hilton was up to her usual pre-jail Media Whore tricks. First she threw a little fit, stealing a dress to be worn by another model. Moments later, in tramped Naomi Campbell who did the same EXACT thing to Paris, leaving La Hilton naked.

Fortunately, her birthday suit is her favorite outfit.

Graduate Fashion Week?

The Tea Room thinks the U.S. should follow suit and produce a graduate fashion week just like the Brits. We need more young blood in the tents!

The UK's Graduate Fashion Week has launched an Industry and Media Board, which has so far attracted almost 100 companies to join as it bids to help graduates find employment once they leave university.

Some of the names that have already joined the board include Patrick Cox, Betty Jackson, Mulberry, Ben de Lisi, Eley Kishimoto, John Rocha, Jaeger, Zara, Liberty and adidas, while media support includes WGSN, Glamour, GQ, Elle, Vogue, the National Magazine Company, The Daily Telegraph and The Times.

Ohmigod, They're Back from Planet Krypton to Kill Superman Once And For All!

Please stop scaring us with your creepy ads.

Not that you can tell with this horrific photo, but they want you to know that Viktor & Rolf launched a clothing line with HM and now a luxury leather collection with Samsonite complete with travel bags and accessories to be called Samsonite Black Label by Viktor & Rolf. Said line will be launched in the fall of 2008 and available in stores in spring 2009.

The Tea Room is heading home for the holidays with the Alexander McQueen Samsonite Black Label suitcase and looks forward to being even more travel-worthy with these. Maybe secret Kryptonite compartment will render evil family members powerless.

British Fashion Awards (Drumroll Please...)

Surprise! Stella McCartney has been named Designer of the Year for 2007 by The British Fashion Council.

The Fashion Creator award, re-named to honor the late Isabella Blow, went to Michael Howells. Dame Vivienne Westwood received the Outstanding Achievement in Fashion Design award.

The New Designer of the Year award went to Scottish (shout-out to our skirted bretheren!) designer Christopher Kane. Marc Jacobs received the Retail Concept award for his London store.

The Red Carpet Designer award went to the Marchesa label and Christopher Bailey for Burberry received the Menswear Designer award.

Model of the Year award went to Agyness Deyn (pictured above). Agyness is definitely not Media Whore material, UNLESS she turns out to be a man, which the Tea Room bets any amount of money 'she' is.

Tea and Toys

David Barton Gym's annual Toy Drive for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital is on Tuesday, December 11th from 8:30-11:30 PM. DavidBartonGym is located at 215 W 23rd Street between 7th & 8th Ave.

Hosted by David Barton, Susanne Bartsch, Alan Cumming, Debbie Harry, Marc Jacobs, Sarah Jessica Parker, Narciso Rodriguez, Rachel Weisz, and Rufus Wainwright. Music by DJ Johnny Dynell.

A new unwrapped toy is required for admission. Toys are needed for children of all ages! Kenny Kenny and Adam will be at the door checking the gifts while bottles of V2 Energy Vodka, C&P Wines, and OGO Water will be consumed inside.

The Tea Room raises its glass!

LoHo Rides Again!

LoHo is back! Chances for red Black Friday are high.

So sweet: LoHo was in Manhattan to celebrate Thanksgiving with family, group therapy, and new AA beau (Riley Giles) whom she met in rehab.

She and uber parents Dina and Michael, along with sister Ali (eating disorders to follow) bought goodies at Armani Exchange and Intermix while the new BF slept. Sleep? Why you ask? Well, he was out partying all week without Mizz LoHo. Sounds like a great guy and a wonderful influence.

The Tea Room thinks this one is a keeper!

iPhone Update

The Brits are not buying the much-hyped pricey iPhone according to a new survey. With costs of £269 in the UK ($556.60 in the U.S.) and the fact that many mobile phones are free with a monthly contract in the UK, Apple is gonna have to bend over a little bit more to get its customers on that side of the pond.

Victory Over Divorce

Longtime ILIAD client, Marcia Sherrill, the delightful designer behind Kleinberg Sherrill accessories, has answered another calling in response to her divorce from Mr. William Kleinberg. She has founded Victory Over Divorce a website exclaiming that she is "determined to prove that in the face of divorce or its aftermath, the best outcome is to live well. Victory is to be had in surviving and triumphing. So if you are contemplating divorce, in the midst of divorce, or recovering post-divorce, join us as we help you achieve what you want most. We're here to prove that divorce can be the beginning of a new chapter in your life."

Marcia continues, "With our experts here to enlighten, our chat rooms and message boards for you to find help, conversation, or just information, our partner groups providing support and generating actionable legislation, and our Empowerment Zone with career opportunities and free tools to help you create a new you, V.O.D. gets you back on track to success!"

The Tea Room says Rock on Marcia!

Tea and Movie Time - Bond Boy Daniel Craig

Bond boy Daniel Craig on his killer bod:

"Last time I did a lot of weights to bulk up. This time I'll do more running. I won't be as 'no-neck'. But when this guy takes his shirt off, he should look like he could kill someone."

Said his Bond co-star Dame Judi Dench, after sneaking a peak at Daniel getting dressed in his trailer, "It's an absolute monster! Maybe I shouldn't have said that. How uncouth of me!"

The Tea Room eagerly awaits his first nude scene and is madly in love with the Dame Judi!

Tea and Movie Time - Naked Jolie

Enchanted brought in $50 million over the holiday weekend making it the number one movie at the North American box office. The flick stars Amy Adams (pictured above in GAP ad) as a cartoon princess exiled to modern-day Manhattan by Susan Sarandon. The film also stars Patrick Dempsey and James Marsden (also pictured above in GAP ad).

Beowulf came in third with $16.2 million and a total gross of $56.4 million.

The Tea Room thinks no doubt due to Angelina Jolie's animated nakedness!

Tea and TV Time

The Tea Room long suspected what TMZ and bloggers across the states are reporting on the "Dancing With The Stars" faiting spell of Marie Osmond. Not only that she faked the fainting but that she has a writer with her at all times off camera to throw her funny lines.

The Tea Room wonders why was this obviously not so clever writer has been allowed to cross the picket lines.

MWhore Stylist Does Good for GAP (Product) RED

Stylist Katie Grand is working on the new GAP (PRODUCT) RED collection launching next month and is recruiting fashion talents such as Giles Deacon, Proenza Schouler (one of the Tea Room's favorite duos), Pierre Hardy and Stephen Jones.

Half of profits will fund anti-retroviral drugs for women and children affected by AIDS and HIV in Africa.

Gut Feeling

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manillo on vacation in the Bahamas

Oh boy, Nick, time for some serious ab work. There are cameras out there you fool! Do you look in the mirror? Stupid question, you perfectly vain boy toy. Do you look in the mirror while you're sitting down? Even super-hot Vanessa has her arms folded in front of her tummy, just in case.

Just Out of Her Cave...

C'mon Nicole.... what kind of Media Whore are you? Why won't you allow your skin to feel the cooling mist of an airbrush tanner? Why can't your breasts be freed from their Edwardian-like bondage? Why is your frizzy do upswept into a frosty bun ala the the evil White Witch from "The Chronicles of Narnia?" The Tea Room can only speculate that you are in the middle of a deep and serious depression. Shine a light on the problem, Nicole, and come out of your ice cave!

The Photo Says It All

nytimes

Soldiers from the 10th Mountain Division in early November returning from Iraq to Fort Drum, NY.

Happy Thanksgiving.

We Just Can't Get Enough...

Of Black Lycra.

Here's Lauren Conrad taking her look to the streets of L.A. Why should Sharon Stone and Tyra Banks get all the attention? Lauren makes her own feeble attempt at what the Tea Room now calls the "Kamikaze Ensemble," an outfit that contains Lycra/Spandex/Poly on upper and/or lower half of the body. The term 'kamikaze' implies that the wearer can either blow up her Media Whore image with her stunning presentation, ala Sharon Stone, or crash in a suicidal display of flagrant disregard for one's own phsysical and spiritual safety, ala Tyra Banks and our little friend Lauren here. The Tea Room will list the ways that this Kamikaze Ensemble went wrong:

1. Kamikaze Ensemble needs to reveal something good, like your Camel Toe. This ensemble only reveals Lauren's saddle bags.
2. 3 trends in one look: the blousy shirt, the oversize bag and, of course, the Kamikaze Ensemble. Oh me weary eyes! Pick one.
3. Yes, black is the new black, but only if you are SURE your outfit is hot. Lauren, you look like you're heading to the Mall of America to buy Jessica Simpson's Hair U Wear. Even a gold bag would have made this train-wreck salvagable.
'

Sign a Cheerleader, Save Dooney and Bourke

Hero Hayden Panettiere will be the new face of Dooney and Bourke.

Following in the footsteps of Mischa Barton, LoHo and Emma Roberts, whe will launch her modeling career in December.

She and designer Peter Dooney have created the limited edition Hayden Bag, a large leather shoulder bag with puffy pleats and buckle closure.

Sounds like an original design.

Photo: teenhollywood.com